11 Jun Bring the mountaintop home
I need to go live on the top of a mountain!!!
Ever felt that way? I have.
I wanted peace and quiet.
I didn’t want to keep going to a workplace that had obliterated my will to live.
So I manifested an illness that left me completely debilitated—I couldn’t walk more than 10 feet without having to sit down.
I feared that I would need to go on a disability pension and be reliant on the goodwill of others for the rest of my life. It scared me, and I knew that the only person who could help me was me.
It required me to start looking at what was really going on inside.
Yes I yearned for a mountaintop where there were was no stress or bullies. But I realised that there would still be stress and bullying up there. Because I was bullying myself, and causing myself stress.
Yep. I know.
Hard to hear, but it’s true.
I was, and always had, driven myself so hard to achieve. To prove to the world that I was worthy of my place in it.
I’d never been good enough, nowhere near pretty enough, or slim enough, or strong enough, or smart enough, or anynuff.
I had NO compassion for myself. No patience for my needs.
And so I broke my spirit. It was me.
It wasn’t the external situation of an unfortunate restructure at the office that left me reeling and out of my depth.
I did it. By not giving myself what I needed.
I probably wouldn’t be here right now if I hadn’t learned to have compassion for myself. I needed to feel it right to my very core, in all the parts of me that had felt neglected.
Heading to the inner mountaintop
So I headed back to the beginning and I started showering my inner child with love. We played with unicorns, did colouring in, stretched our body and swam in the ocean, and enjoyed lots of peace and quiet so that we could learn how to be kinder to ourselves.
My whole timeline started to receive the healing from this love and attention, and it was tangible.
This all happened here in the real world, not on the mountaintop.
I didn’t need to go there, I needed to go within and remember who I am.
A divine spark of creation with every right to be here, and to receive love.
I went for healings, and I followed that up with my own self-care.
It took time, but I’m here, and I’m so happy that I am. Because it’s why I was born. I was born to love, and to help you remember that too.
When you’re ready, you know where to find me.
Energy Medicine Educator, Medicine Woman, Lightworker